Day Ten
Its morning on day Ten. Yesterday I said I hated so much and that is true, but after I wrote it out, I started to find things that gave me hope. That reminded me to be grateful. So in an effort to become more positive I wanted to mention them today. While I feel the weight still and the tug of tears and sorrow I also feel so much more. Its crazy that I can feel so many feelings at once, they feel like a contradiction to feel hope and sorrow, to feel happy and sad, grateful and angry, Tired and sleepless. I dont thing we spend much time processing life, we just live it. Sometimes I just do things, shelf the feelings and move on. Now I can feel the weight on the shelves, the tug towards depression, so to remind myself of the good and to share it here we go. Each day I ask Ryan if he wants to get up, each day he says no. So we take care of everything from bed, I feed him there, clean him there, help him with bathroom needs there, give him his meds there, massage his legs there. Slowly