BYRD on the daily 💙

 I have decided to write a little of each day, so this is day one. More happened but I don't have the strength right now to write it all down. I am broken.  As my tears stream down my face as I type this out, I know I cannot write it all. I will do my best for today. Tomorrow I will try to write more. Day One. We know he has a tumor. It is easy to get out we dont know. We have hope that its not that bad. He got an MRI a day ago and as we drove the 20 minutes home we joked. We made comments that it was probably nothing, we always laugh that when ever I have gone to the Dr for anything it always comes down to "lose weight' so we laugh. That is what we do. Always. We laugh. But before we could even pull onto our driveway the Dr. called. 'You need to see a neurosurgeon, it looks bad. I am sorry to tell you this'.  We feel scared, we both cry. Kids go to school and we just cry. We both try to go about our day, but how? How do we just function. Finally we get an appoin...

I am later than normal making this post. We were able to come home last night, a blessing and a bit of a curse. I am happy to be home, with our kids and with family. Ryan is miserable, which isn't surprising but hard to see. I cannot ease his pain. He is struggling to say what he wants in a why that I can fully understand. It breaks my heart every time. Though his agony he will say "I need to be aligned, I just cant" to me I think 'oh he need to readjust he isn't comfortable', but I am always wrong. Sometimes he will stay with me long enough to decipher what the problem is, and other times he shuts down, gets mad at me and says never mind, its ok. Today the alignment meant "I want socks and a drink". Its so strange to see my brilliant husband struggle with something he was a master at 'communication'. When he gets frustrated and shuts down I feel like a failure. I feel like I am not doing well enough. It hurts, It hurts so much I want to fall...