Day Seventeen
Keeping this up every day is a bit more effort than I was expecting. In the beginning it felt like there was so much going on all the time and my heart couldn't handle it all at one time, now as things feel more normal its hard to reconcile all that is coming and even all that we know now. Ryan is putting up more resistance to all the things I want to do in hopes of getting the most possible time. Today he told me " you are planning my demise aren't you" Now my husband meant this as perhaps a light joke or a silly comment I think, I c ouldn't help the pang in my chest and the hurt I felt. I most likely will never tell him how this made me feel. Every moment I worry about him, I want him to be comfortable, safe, in less pain, happy and healthy. I worry about him over doing things, not getting enough sleep and so on. So him saying that to me hurt. It hurt so much. There is some adjusting to his lack of memory or his little changes in behavior, I have jokingly said