Day Fifty-Nine
Planning for an uncertain future is so strange. I think I have backtracked into the feelings of denial. Ryan is mostly the same guy he was before. He is still goofy, sweet, playful, adventurous, kind, a great father and a loving husband and a great friend. How am I supposed to believe we are on borrowed time when he acts fine. It must be a mistake. All of this. I feel both certain and uncertain. What a mess. We are about to start his final full week of radiation! It feels like we have been doing this forever and also not long at all, because really this is all just a crazy dream. Since this is just a crazy dream, I have been thinking about things that have been said to me that I could have done without: 1. Do you think god wants this for you, so you can learn from it? 2. You poor thing. 3. Your blog is a bit heavy, maybe you can lighten it up a bit. 4. Maybe Ryan's dad just needs his help on the other side. 5. You choose your trials and this is one of them. There are more th...