BYRD on the daily 💙

While we aren't amidst treatment, I am going to take a break from posting. I need to try to focus on the now and try to have life be normal for awhile. I will pop in and out but it won't be as regular as the past. Thank you for the prayers, support, positive vibes and everything else we really appreciate it all. Love you all

 We made it! Today was the last day of Radiation Treatment and his last Chemo for this round. We have scheduled his MRI for next month and we get to take a few weeks off! We are both so happy!  They were so nice they have him a bottle of bubbly and a certificate of completion ❤️ This is his mask that he wore during treatment, they locked it to the table and marked X's to know where to blast.  Mask on... Pretty creepy 😬 Its been a crazy 30 treatments and some days it felt like it would never end, but here we are. We have his MRI scheduled for the middle of May and hope to see lots of improvement. Because I am trying to be positive today I am just going to end here. I have had a rough few days I haven't been doing well on the emotional side.  And Amy is leaving soon and I am not ok with that. I am afraid of how bad I will fail. What ball I will drop, and how alone I will feel. I hope I can get it together. 

 So many times I just stare at the screen with so much going through my mind and no way to determine where to start or if I should even write what I am thinking, today I am going for it! I am not ok. I don't feel ok. I don't like to pretend that I am ok. Normal isn't the same for me anymore, I thought life last year during the major hit of Covid was the worst, news-flash this is much worse. I am getting 'normal' figured out slowly but surely.  Ryan says 'My Apologies' all the time and never really did before his surgery and finally I about exploded! Either say 'sorry' or don't, but 'my apologies' feels insincere and like he is getting ready to actually give me an apology that never seems to come. So of course I freaked out at him about it, not relenting in my emotional outburst, however following my little freak out I felt immense guilt for a solid 48 hours 😩. Even though we worked out my issue right away it was still hard and between yo

 Hello!   I am going to give you a rundown of my radiation treatment.  I realize that most people have never even looked into it, let alone laid down for the procedure. My oldest three kids go to the neighbors at 9 a.m. to get a ride to school.  My youngest 2 alternate school.  Boston has school Monday, Wednesday, and Friday and Ava takes her turns on Tuesday and Thursday.  When we drop off Ava @ 9 we take Boston with us to the treatment center.  The drive is roughly 25 minutes from dropping Ava off. The Provo hospital is directly west of the treatment facility.  They do much more there than just irradiate your head where your sneaky body decided to grow a tumor... sneaky body. 9:45 a.m. on Monday through Friday I go into the radiology office.  They main room is a waiting room.  People can get set up with treatments to aid in their cancer removal.  Mine was a nasty tumor.  I really do dislike it.  Left of the reception area is a door with a sign on it that allows patients only to go pa

I go to bed a night just exhausted and the dumb part is that I wake up hours later feeling just as exhausted as when I went to bed. What a dumb outcome of my rest attempt. Today we realized we only have 5 more treatments of Radiation treatments left. Ryan is feeling tired of it, and every day he is nervous that he will wake up with less eyebrows or even less hair follicles, each time we shave it more and more hair is ripped up from the roots. Its crazy for us both to see. We can make it though, it feels so good to have the end of radiation in sight. Time moves slowly and also fast, how is that even a thing? How can I feel like I have forever and also like time is running out. Its such a conflicting feeling and one I don't recommend trying it out as I feel dizzy, confused and frustrated over it all. This really sounds like I am a depressing slug doesn't it? sigh. I just don't feel like I can share this stuff out loud, like I have already used all my verbal downer cards and a