Day Sixty-Sixty One

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I go to bed a night just exhausted and the dumb part is that I wake up hours later feeling just as exhausted as when I went to bed. What a dumb outcome of my rest attempt.

Today we realized we only have 5 more treatments of Radiation treatments left. Ryan is feeling tired of it, and every day he is nervous that he will wake up with less eyebrows or even less hair follicles, each time we shave it more and more hair is ripped up from the roots. Its crazy for us both to see. We can make it though, it feels so good to have the end of radiation in sight.

Time moves slowly and also fast, how is that even a thing? How can I feel like I have forever and also like time is running out. Its such a conflicting feeling and one I don't recommend trying it out as I feel dizzy, confused and frustrated over it all.

This really sounds like I am a depressing slug doesn't it? sigh. I just don't feel like I can share this stuff out loud, like I have already used all my verbal downer cards and am left to just smile and say 'yeah we are doing great' or 'we are fine' and really we are but does that change the downer parts?... NO. I have also heard 'be sad for a few minutes and shake it off' sure I can do that in your company or on the outside but on the inside I feel fractured to a level I cannot even verbalize anyway so maybe its for the best I just smile and say 'its all good'. 

So to end this post comfortably... we are doing just fine.❤

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