Day Nine.
Day Nine. I am grateful to have another day, but I cannot help feel that each new days means I have one day less. I hate that. I hate so much today, I hate the pain Ryan is in. I hate he cannot sleep. I hate how I dont get the full life with him. I hate that my kids are scared. I hate that this really isn't a dream. I hate that this is reality. I hate he cannot sleep well. I hate the doctors didn't give good enough pain meds to even help him. I hate he feels so frustrated. I hate I feel like if I smile or laugh its wrong. I hate that when people ask what they can do I just dont know what to say. I hate that "Thank you" just isn't enough. I hate the stories of others that beat it, when its not the same situation at all. I hate that I hate things. When Ryan and I got married, I told him I wanted to go shopping together to find our first home decoration. So we did, we picked a large sign to hang in our room, we felt it depicted the kind of life we would have togeth...
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