Sixty-Four

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 So many times I just stare at the screen with so much going through my mind and no way to determine where to start or if I should even write what I am thinking, today I am going for it!

I am not ok. I don't feel ok. I don't like to pretend that I am ok. Normal isn't the same for me anymore, I thought life last year during the major hit of Covid was the worst, news-flash this is much worse. I am getting 'normal' figured out slowly but surely. 

Ryan says 'My Apologies' all the time and never really did before his surgery and finally I about exploded! Either say 'sorry' or don't, but 'my apologies' feels insincere and like he is getting ready to actually give me an apology that never seems to come. So of course I freaked out at him about it, not relenting in my emotional outburst, however following my little freak out I felt immense guilt for a solid 48 hours 😩. Even though we worked out my issue right away it was still hard and between you and me... Some new changes are super hard to adjust too. 

Its is also a new adjustment to have others so intertwined in our business that they feel the deep burning desire to correct or condemn by means of verbal judgement, thanks but also NO THANK YOU! 

Everyone is dealing with something and I am not aware of a single person who thinks "I am really struggling and it would be super helpful to have someone around to make me feel bad or at least correct me when I make a choice they don't approve of" 

So as a friendly reminder or suggestion BACK OFF. Have some compassion towards all those around you. Remember everyone has a center of their universe and most likely you are not it. 

It has been a rough week! But hey only 2 radiation treatments left!!!!

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