Day Forty

 What to write about today... It feels like every day just bleeds into the next. I just cycle through it all, wake up get kids fed and out the door for school, drive Ryan to his radiation come home take kids to dance, preschool and whatever things needed, get dinner going and feed kids, do homework. Yell at Ryan for not taking it easy and then do laundry, dishes and put kids to bed... rinse, recycle and repeat day after day. With the occasional toss-ins of visits, Physical therapy, additional dr. appointments, grocery shopping and normal functioning things. 

Today I did some therapy baking and it was nice. I really enjoyed doing something I like to do lol and add in the company of a friend and it was great. We made cupcakes, cake-pops, chocolate nests with eggs inside and an Easter cereal mix. 

While I was cleaning up the kitchen Ryan came over to me for a hug and to make me cry. He told me that he feels bad that he hasn't really acknowledged all that I am doing and he thanked me and then apologized saying he was sorry this has fallen on me and that I didn't sign up for this. I cried and thanked him but also reassured him that I did sign up for this. I married him. I chose him. In sickness and health. I wasn't forced into this life. Sure this isn't what either of us expected, but I wouldn't go back and make another choice. I have been lucky to have him before and now.