Day Twenty-One

Yesterday when I asked Ryan if he wanted to write in the blog I was stunned to hear him say YES. So he took over yesterday and I shelfed my thoughts for todays. 

Yesterday I thought about how lucky I have been to have met and married this wonderful man. We have for sure had ups and downs but I wanted to put down some of the things we have implemented in our marriage that have helped us be the happiest.

1. We hold hands, in the car, while we walk, across the table, during a movie and whenever we fancy it.

2.We always say "I love you" not love ya . And frequently and always at the end of an argument/fight, before bed and before we leave each other and at the end of every call.

3.We work together. Its not a my list and his list but an OUR list, building, cleaning, child rearing, dinner, chores, painting, errands, shopping.

4. We laugh a lot. We are silly together, things get hard and we crack a joke, Ryan loves a good shock value reaction lol. Life is easier with a smile and a good laugh.

5. We serve each other, if I am making food I make him some, If he runs to the store he brings me back a drink, he sees I am stressed so he just helps me and visa versa. We look out for each other and consider the others feelings.

6. We support each other. I want to go on a girls trip and he says 'OK have fun'. He wants to make a board game so I say 'Ok, I'll test it out with you'. Before this all happened I was looking for a job in hopes he could take a year off and pursue his dreams. Still I support him and he supports me.

7. We spend time together. Every night when kids go to bed, we hang out. Playing games, watching a show, running errands, cleaning, visiting friends, baking, you name it we just are together.

8. We show each other affection. We don't hide our love just because kids or others are around, we always wanted our kids to see that we love each other and are happy together. 

There are other things. He is my best friend. We don't keep secrets, we never lie to each other especially if its hard. I have always felt the times you think you shouldn't say something is the times YOU REALLY SHOULD, soo dumb or not we share it all. 

We also found out yesterday that Chemo and Radiation has been moved up to begin this Monday the 17th. I feel like we just lost a week of normalcy. Ugh.

Today I have been extremely emotional, bills are starting to come in and the weight is very evident for me. I also took 3 kids to the dentist for cleanings and found out that they all need lots of work done, fillings, crowns, extractions, anesthesia for Ava, and so on. When they told me how much It would be I couldn't hold back the tears, the Dr. asked what was wrong I said briefly what was going on and I needed to see if I could afford this and call back. She was very sweet and said not to worry just take care. I appreciated the sentiment but our insurance ends officially on the 31st and if they couldn't get us in before then (which I was told they couldn't do) then I would have to pay over 3k out of pocket. I left feeling overwhelmed and devastated. 

I went home sobbing and told Ryan and Amy I didn't know what we were going to do. I was feeling down and overwhelmed. About 30 minutes later I was taking Brooklyn to school and I saw I had a text from the dentist office asking if I could call to talk to the Dr. So after getting Brooklyn to school, I called and the Dr. said she wanted to help me. She offered to get us in before the 31st and she would only charge me the $25 happy gas fee for each child. I just bawled and thanked her. This was my miracle today. I am beyond grateful.

Until tomorrow....