Day Fifty

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Do you ever feel like you walk around carrying a suitcase of baggage? Depending on what is going on in your life your bag can be small or huge but either way its just being pulled along with you.. I feel like this, like everyone can see it all. How vain is that? As if my life or our problems really matter to anyone else.

Ryan is in great spirits even though he is in pain and his hair is falling out and the radiation is causing a sunburn effect on his entire forehead he just keeps smiling and cracking jokes. How? How is it possible for him to exude so much goodness in the darkness? I am so lucky he is mine.

On our way home from Ryan's radiation appointment he was reading to me ( we have been reading a series of books together, it started when he was in the hospital and it hurt to keep his eyes open so I just read to him) anyway there was this great quote in today's reading "The world never changes, just your perspective of it" It hit home today. I have looked at this as an attack on our life and it is but also just another way to perceive our life. If that makes sense on paper...

A friend also said to me today "We all have an expiration on our life, we just don't usually know when that is" I thought about that for hours today. Why haven't we been living life like that? I have heard many times 'live like you might die at anytime' but really does anyone just do that? I mean without something huge pushing them that way? 

I guess words are just words until you really give them the power of meaning and act on them. 

Clearly my brain is all scattered... Sorry if reading this is hard to follow, I guess my luggage has a rip in it and cannot contain all the concise contents of the day.

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